I just formulated an idea today that I think could be very encouraging to people who practice or want to practice yoga. The thing is that I will not be able to do it by myself. I hope that when I try to launch it, it will take off. I think I have enough friends to get started, but after the initial roll, who knows.
The full story is one that I'll save for the rolling-out.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Transition
A week and a half ago my mom died in front of me. I was watching her heartbeat move a little spot on her chest and listening to her breathe, apnea unabated as the CPAP was removed. Her eyes had opened a few times and she was able to see that all of us four children were there. I didn't feel the change in her hand as I was holding it, but I saw the heart stop.
They say that stuff comes up and out in yoga and I have had some experience with this after a very difficult, unexpected breakup three years ago, left with more questions than answers. I find myself wondering and a bit apprehensive about what will come up in the future because of my mom's death.
They say that stuff comes up and out in yoga and I have had some experience with this after a very difficult, unexpected breakup three years ago, left with more questions than answers. I find myself wondering and a bit apprehensive about what will come up in the future because of my mom's death.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Time and Timing
The last couple of days, I've been avoiding the impulse to engage in stress-filled rushing to accomplish the number of small and seemingly not-so-small things on my list before we open on Saturday. Marvelously enough, I've been getting things done and have been enjoying the feeling of accomplishment that follows. I've been surprising myself with what I've been able to do. One seemingly large and intimidating thing that I have yet to accomplish is to figure out the flow of a microphone gag I'm performing in the circus show this summer and more importantly, how that flow will end. Despite being told not to worry, I still do.
Life has also dealt me a series of tidbits of observation and knowledge in the last couple of weeks that has impressed on me the idea that everything is about timing. Some things will line up eventually, some things won't. Some things will happen when you want them, some will be sooner or later, and some won't happen at all. Sometimes it sucks and some times you see the fortune that comes in not getting what you want when you want it.
Life has also dealt me a series of tidbits of observation and knowledge in the last couple of weeks that has impressed on me the idea that everything is about timing. Some things will line up eventually, some things won't. Some things will happen when you want them, some will be sooner or later, and some won't happen at all. Sometimes it sucks and some times you see the fortune that comes in not getting what you want when you want it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Extended Absence Pose
Or maybe I should have titled it "Extended Neglect Pose".
I've pretty much allowed myself to be caught in the maelstrom of transition with the end of my Japan stint and the return to the Twin Cities and finding a moving into and settling in a place. To be honest, I haven't even settled into my place, as there are still items in boxes and nothing hung on the wall. I did buy a few pieces of furniture and have a great couple of bookshelves and a nice, orange chair. I bought a car to replace my old one, which made me feel all adult.
I'm trying to find the value of this period. My yoga practice has fallen off yet again. Somehow all I have managed to do is lose muscle mass. Am I learning to settle without sloughing away? Am I learning to navigate different currents of my life? Or am I becoming lazy and complacent?
Maybe it's another practice in examination with as little judgment as possible.
I've pretty much allowed myself to be caught in the maelstrom of transition with the end of my Japan stint and the return to the Twin Cities and finding a moving into and settling in a place. To be honest, I haven't even settled into my place, as there are still items in boxes and nothing hung on the wall. I did buy a few pieces of furniture and have a great couple of bookshelves and a nice, orange chair. I bought a car to replace my old one, which made me feel all adult.
I'm trying to find the value of this period. My yoga practice has fallen off yet again. Somehow all I have managed to do is lose muscle mass. Am I learning to settle without sloughing away? Am I learning to navigate different currents of my life? Or am I becoming lazy and complacent?
Maybe it's another practice in examination with as little judgment as possible.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Vanity's Not Bad At All!
One of the things I consistently admit is that part of why I do yoga is pure vanity. I like satisfaction I feel from being able to perform a certain physical feat and I like the way it makes me look and feel.
As I continue to develop my practice of yoga I've begun to take it easier on myself. I've begun to think that the vanity that is included in my drive to pursue a yoga practice is not necessarily a bad thing. For sure I don't go the studio to show off and to "be seen by the chicks" in the hopes of picking one up.
As far as my appearance and physical ability go, yoga helps me maintain my body and has fostered my mental development as well. I am a clown and a physical performer. My body is my chief tool of my work. Before yoga, all I did to keep in shape, improve my conditioning, or maintain my body was daily stretching at the end of the workday and weights or body weight exercises. I would be very much in touch with my body when something went wrong, or simply just wasn't working just right. My measure of progress was measured only in the end result and how many desirable end results I could achieve. Through yoga and specifically through a self-guided practice, I have developed a deeper sensation of how my body is doing. I can feel body positioning a little more acutely than before. I'm able to sink and settle into a physical position more solidly and feel a little more how to tweak something so that I move closer to what I'm working toward.
I'm more able now to set aside my physical goals for attention on the process. One of the things that has pleased me most is moving into a pose, allowing myself to settle into it, and finding "Hmmm – that's different. That's farther than before." What's best is my newly developing ability to back down when I'm sick instead of pushing forward and fighting hard. I've calmed that part of my Type A personality enough that I'm able to have the perspective that a few days won't erode all of my progress and work. I'm now more likely to take the rest I need to heal and progress. In a physical job, it's necessary to be able to listen to my body, adapt, and to be able to rehabilitate or pull back and not sacrifice my body or the performance for the mere benefit of my ego.
Not only is yoga making me stronger and more flexible, but it is keeping me marketable. Another one of my jobs is as a model. I have a slender body type and I like to have a decent degree of muscular definition. I used to achieve that solely through lifting weights, but after the second time I left touring, I was doing only yoga and no weights. The muscle mass I had gained was being metabolized away by my body, but I was still slender and toned, if not as defined. Although I felt lazy and bad during this time, it eventually led to a switch clicking in my mind.
I now became interested in finding a way to regain definition and some mass, but not to sacrifice yoga progress and gains. I wanted to regain and maintain my body profile and to be able to look good in whatever clothes I might be wearing on any shoot I might book.
Before leaving to tour Japan for a year with Kinoshita Circus, my agency had been sending me on castings for physically fit men. I was still slender and taut, but was my muscle definition enough? I had serious doubts. My time in Japan has been another turning point in my self-guided practice. As my familiarity and senses deepened, I started body weight exercises and rope jumping again. After four-to-six weeks I noticed certain differences in how my body was developing this time compared to previous exercise jags. Where there was doubt, there is the astonished surprise of rediscovery. I'm looking better than I ever have in my life. If this body can get me more bookings, then that is money I can use to contribute to family or other worthy exploits and adventures: workshops, travel, or yoga instructor training. Money is good and I welcome more of it in my life.
All of this is on top of the benefits I get simply from having more physical activity in my life. It would be difficult for me to gauge whether I receive more physical or mental benefits from yoga practice. Instead of dwelling on that, I know that the yoga and exercise are helping me be healthier in body, reducing the list of negative non-genetic factors on my health and hopefully reducing the handhold of the genetic factors I have working against me. One of the things I have learned to face is that finding satisfaction in my body is good for the spirit and is an essential part of self-love for me.
As I continue to develop my practice of yoga I've begun to take it easier on myself. I've begun to think that the vanity that is included in my drive to pursue a yoga practice is not necessarily a bad thing. For sure I don't go the studio to show off and to "be seen by the chicks" in the hopes of picking one up.
As far as my appearance and physical ability go, yoga helps me maintain my body and has fostered my mental development as well. I am a clown and a physical performer. My body is my chief tool of my work. Before yoga, all I did to keep in shape, improve my conditioning, or maintain my body was daily stretching at the end of the workday and weights or body weight exercises. I would be very much in touch with my body when something went wrong, or simply just wasn't working just right. My measure of progress was measured only in the end result and how many desirable end results I could achieve. Through yoga and specifically through a self-guided practice, I have developed a deeper sensation of how my body is doing. I can feel body positioning a little more acutely than before. I'm able to sink and settle into a physical position more solidly and feel a little more how to tweak something so that I move closer to what I'm working toward.
I'm more able now to set aside my physical goals for attention on the process. One of the things that has pleased me most is moving into a pose, allowing myself to settle into it, and finding "Hmmm – that's different. That's farther than before." What's best is my newly developing ability to back down when I'm sick instead of pushing forward and fighting hard. I've calmed that part of my Type A personality enough that I'm able to have the perspective that a few days won't erode all of my progress and work. I'm now more likely to take the rest I need to heal and progress. In a physical job, it's necessary to be able to listen to my body, adapt, and to be able to rehabilitate or pull back and not sacrifice my body or the performance for the mere benefit of my ego.
Not only is yoga making me stronger and more flexible, but it is keeping me marketable. Another one of my jobs is as a model. I have a slender body type and I like to have a decent degree of muscular definition. I used to achieve that solely through lifting weights, but after the second time I left touring, I was doing only yoga and no weights. The muscle mass I had gained was being metabolized away by my body, but I was still slender and toned, if not as defined. Although I felt lazy and bad during this time, it eventually led to a switch clicking in my mind.
I now became interested in finding a way to regain definition and some mass, but not to sacrifice yoga progress and gains. I wanted to regain and maintain my body profile and to be able to look good in whatever clothes I might be wearing on any shoot I might book.
Before leaving to tour Japan for a year with Kinoshita Circus, my agency had been sending me on castings for physically fit men. I was still slender and taut, but was my muscle definition enough? I had serious doubts. My time in Japan has been another turning point in my self-guided practice. As my familiarity and senses deepened, I started body weight exercises and rope jumping again. After four-to-six weeks I noticed certain differences in how my body was developing this time compared to previous exercise jags. Where there was doubt, there is the astonished surprise of rediscovery. I'm looking better than I ever have in my life. If this body can get me more bookings, then that is money I can use to contribute to family or other worthy exploits and adventures: workshops, travel, or yoga instructor training. Money is good and I welcome more of it in my life.
All of this is on top of the benefits I get simply from having more physical activity in my life. It would be difficult for me to gauge whether I receive more physical or mental benefits from yoga practice. Instead of dwelling on that, I know that the yoga and exercise are helping me be healthier in body, reducing the list of negative non-genetic factors on my health and hopefully reducing the handhold of the genetic factors I have working against me. One of the things I have learned to face is that finding satisfaction in my body is good for the spirit and is an essential part of self-love for me.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Loosely Connected
Well, this doesn't have anything directly to do with yoga. Then again, it's about tolerance, being open, and working for the benefit of the larger community, so I suppose it fits. Op-ed articles like this make me feel good about the human race.
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