Ankles Away!

Ten days ago I hurt myself again. Fortunately, it wasn't horrible.

As I was exiting the ring in the dark, I was a bit more to my left than I usually am and I trotted right onto a spike. My ankle rolled and my body reacted to keep me upright. I could immediately feel that my ankle had suffered a bit of injury, but I didn't know how much. It wasn't until later that I felt the painful effect the bodily reaction had on my rear hips and lower back. I had tweaked my back again.

There was thankfully very little swelling in my ankle that accompanied the pain and I hadn't lost a whole lot of range of motion. The back was a different story.

When this injury has happened before (it happened earlier this year) I was frustrated and confused: Aren't my back muscles strong? Aren't I flexible enough? Aren't I in good shape? Whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances (maybe my back muscles are too strong and when they fire protectively, they really fire), my back was tweaked as were my dorsal hip muscles.

It sucked, but I found that this time, I didn't "need" ibuprofen or any analgesic. I didn't "need" Icy Hot. My previous back muscle over-reaction had taught me some coping mechanisms and how to focus my stretching and my yoga to loosening things up. I held off on my exercise regime so more bodily resources could be used for repair. It dawned on me a few days ago that this is a time when I am learning to be injured. I've been learning how not to pressure myself to push and have developed a sense of what to do to make sure I can perform through the day and end the day feeling better than the evening before. This time I even enlisted the help of my acrylic ball, which provided a nice, firm, rounded, rolling surface I could use to hit the deeper layers of muscle and break up the kinks.

Thankfully, it has worked and I feel fortunate that my injuries weren't worse. I'm thankful that elements of The Old Me were able to be silenced and set aside so I could properly take care of my healing process. So much has changed for me and within me this year and this is just one thing that has yielded results.

I still think I'll look into some chiropractic adjustments when I return to the United States because I'm sure my muscular seizures have pulled something out of whack, most likely my hips.

Something Soaked In

Take a look at this screen grab of a comment I made on a friend's Facebook page regarding her first experience with a chiropractor after years of having thought it was all BS:





After having written it, I looked at it again and realized that I sound almost exactly like a Paul Grilley lecture! Hmm. I guess someone's been watching and using the DVDs a lot, hasn't he?

Exercise Realization

I don't exercise to improve the duration of my life, I exercise to improve the quality of the life I have. That is a factor I can change.

Lernin' the Bod

I've had no shortage of introspection and observation in this past year of self-guided practice. Perhaps one of the greatest benefits is the increased intimacy with my body. My knowledge and understanding of my body has increased.

When I first bought the Paul Grilley "Anatomy of Yoga" DVD, I was ecstatic! I was also a bit bummed. On one side, one reason I couldn't do side splits despite the amount of work I've done is because my bones won't let me! Awesome! It's not because I suck! On the down side, the bones won't change, and if the bones are what's keeping me from doing the side splits, then I will never do the side splits.

My friend Page once passed on something one of her yoga teachers asked her: "Once you can do that, then what?" Well, my answer is: then I'll be able to do it! I sure as hell can't do it now! Goal checked off the list!

I find that I listen to my body more. I find that after these last months I can identify and chronicle things in my body better than I could before. I have been looking at my body habitually over the last 10 or so years, most especially during the last 5. I now notice not only visual changes, but changes in feeling and how it feels to be in my body. I find that I don't always feel weight or gravity like I might have before. I have found that I can be dense and yet step lightly, move delicately, root powerfully.

I've been working out again for the last six-to-eight weeks. I've noticed by body still responds to exercise like it as. At age 37, that is still a boon. I no longer know how much of my physique is due to genetics and how much is due to habit or deliberate activity.

I enjoy studying my own morphology. Some of it is admittedly due to vanity. A lot more of it is due to wonder, curiosity, and thanksgiving.

Emotional Yoga

I've heard and read stories about emotional outpourings as a result of a yoga practice, oftentimes happening in class. I've thought that I must certainly have some pent-up emotions, especially from the last two years of assorted events and introspection.

Nothing has happened yet and it makes me wonder if I'm getting deep enough in my practice to release what I think I must certainly have inside me. Perhaps I'm holding back. This weekend, I took one class while I was home visiting my folks and I learned that maybe I have an expectation of what emotional release would be for me and maybe it's been happening in its way.

In the middle of the class we were working in ardha chandrasana, half moon pose. I have a mixed relationship with this pose. I like it because the pose has changed for me. There are certain aspects of the pose that I've grown into and have been able to open up. On the other hand, it's just a step away from standing split, which I loathe greatly, due in part to how horrible I feel I am at the pose. It in no way resembles a split.

After attempting to maintain balance, regain balance, and breathe through difficulty, I found the rest of my practice colored by the anger that arose from having to do half moon, from forcing myself to continue even though I fricking hated doing it. Corpse pose was not as relaxing and it took the massage I had scheduled to fully rid myself of the anger that had built up.

So now I have some more homework to do. I need to explore and understand the root of this anger. I had thought that I'd just cry like I'd heard in so many stories. Crying I could easily identify and understand. The anger has so many more possible roots and quite possibly, they all fit together. I know I get angry when I don't understand, when I feel powerless, when I feel I'm not doing well enough, when I have to endure rather than thrive – there are so many roots and roots to those roots.

MATERIALS!

I'm home visiting my folks – my mom – for a few days at some expense, but at even greater benefit. I've been able to intercept a shipment from Amazon of a couple of yoga books I ordered.

Here continues my independent study. It's time to go deeper and maybe even get a bit ahead of the instructor training curve. I have Jivamukti Yoga by Sharon Gannon and David Life and The Heart of Yoga by TKV Desikachar