Emotional Yoga

I've heard and read stories about emotional outpourings as a result of a yoga practice, oftentimes happening in class. I've thought that I must certainly have some pent-up emotions, especially from the last two years of assorted events and introspection.

Nothing has happened yet and it makes me wonder if I'm getting deep enough in my practice to release what I think I must certainly have inside me. Perhaps I'm holding back. This weekend, I took one class while I was home visiting my folks and I learned that maybe I have an expectation of what emotional release would be for me and maybe it's been happening in its way.

In the middle of the class we were working in ardha chandrasana, half moon pose. I have a mixed relationship with this pose. I like it because the pose has changed for me. There are certain aspects of the pose that I've grown into and have been able to open up. On the other hand, it's just a step away from standing split, which I loathe greatly, due in part to how horrible I feel I am at the pose. It in no way resembles a split.

After attempting to maintain balance, regain balance, and breathe through difficulty, I found the rest of my practice colored by the anger that arose from having to do half moon, from forcing myself to continue even though I fricking hated doing it. Corpse pose was not as relaxing and it took the massage I had scheduled to fully rid myself of the anger that had built up.

So now I have some more homework to do. I need to explore and understand the root of this anger. I had thought that I'd just cry like I'd heard in so many stories. Crying I could easily identify and understand. The anger has so many more possible roots and quite possibly, they all fit together. I know I get angry when I don't understand, when I feel powerless, when I feel I'm not doing well enough, when I have to endure rather than thrive – there are so many roots and roots to those roots.