Reweave, Reweave

Not a whole lot has been happening on the practice front: ebbing, flowing, etc. I'd like to say that I've been working on handstands and have been making progress, but I'd be lying.

The thing that has taken up most of my practice energy and focus is working on perception, forgiveness, and non-judgment. This continues to be some of the hardest, most draining, most frustrating work I've done. I think it's a chief reason my emotional energy is sapped and I'm really sluggish at getting out of bed in the mornings. Many times I just don't want to get up. I don't want to start the day. I don't want to have to leave bed. I just want to rest and not have to deal. I have found success and reward in some areas as a result of my tenacity, but others just do not seem to improve. I'm sick of the mental work and I'm tired of it.

Three times in the past month I've had the opportunity to watch spiders spin part of their webs. It was really engaging and very thought-provoking. I even watched a spider retreat as its web was unwittingly damaged today. Part of me thought, "Well, so much for awareness of surroundings." because that web had been there for a week, as had the spider, slowly adding to it. Then again, not many people look up, and if you're not tall enough to hit your head or hair on something, why would you?

Another part of me realized that unless the spider relocates, is relocated, or is killed, it will simply go through the work of rebuilding the web in that location. That can represent futility, or it can represent tenacity and acceptance. In my current situation, I tend to see more of the tenacity metaphor, while being aware of the futility side.