The Other BP

I'm going through a tough time right now. My mother's health is not very good and we expect that she won't be around much longer. The parental finances are under stress. I'm all the way over here in Japan and have been doing a lot of reflection and examination.

Although I know that yoga helps, I'm not yet convinced of the depth to which it helps. Two years ago, I tried to adapt my yoga practice as a means to help cope with an emotionally devastating breakup. It helped some. I'm finding that yoga only helps some right now as well. What helps me more than asana (pose) practice is pranayama (breathing). I apply this in the form of breathing and prayer. Sometimes I meditate, but as someone who hasn't really liked to pray, it's also a good exercise.

I'm not anti-prayer, but I had developed this idea of people using prayer only to ask for things. I used prayer only for expressing thanks or wonder or resolve ("Here we go!"). When we were dating, my friend Christi helped me change my mind. One of my issues is that I hate asking for help. I hate admitting that I'm powerless in a situation and that it's too big for me to handle by myself, if at all. So I would never ask in prayer or offer anything up/out: I thought it was my duty as someone living a life to do as much as I could without asking any help, since so many others abused it in my opinion.

Through breathing and prayer, I'm learning a different way of handling things, and a different face of humility. I'm slowly learning to be able to let go and maybe eventually I'll fully learn that waiting can indeed be better than "NOW!".

Like I said, this period of my life and practice is more about mental yoga than physical. Waves and waves I suppose.